Why Halo Sucks | Game Reviews

Ok, so Halo doesn’t suck, it’s just highly overrated. Being that I have not played Halo 3 my complaints will be aimed primarily at the first two games, however from what I’ve heard much of what I’m going to say is true for Halo3 as well.

First of all, I would like to list off all the original features of the Halo’s. Halo1 was the first console FPS that supported networked multiplayer (LAN) play. Halo2 was the first console FPS that supported networked multiplayer (on-line) play. Hmm, what else… Are horribly un-balanced weapons a unique feature? No, probably not. What about a boring main character that is only a bad ass because he says he is. No, that’s not either. So that’s it then, the two unique features of the Halo games is not a feature of the game, but of the hardware the game was running on.

The gameplay in Halo is standard FPS action. So why was the game so popular? Because it was the only fucking game on XBOX that anyone wanted to play. Remember back when you early adopter idiots bought your XBOX and a copy of Halo. That was awesome right? Playing with your friends, lanning it up, getting drunk – fun times. Ok, so what was the next XBOX game you bought? Hmm? Oh that’s right the XBOX had NOTHING. It wasn’t until KOTOR that anyone even remembered that the XBOX was in the market. And then Halo 2 came out and sold a bunch of copies because of an amazing marketing campaign and because it was another XBOX game to buy.

Did Halo2 deserve the hype? I would say somewhat. Halo1 had a decent multiplayer component. If you had nothing better to do was a good distraction, and it had better controls and ran smoother than Perfect Dark. The sequel had to be great right? Fuck, it could have been the same damn game with networked on-line play and it would have been great. But, what the fuck did they do? In an effort to balance the weapons they introduced a shit-ton of new shitty and useless weapons – YAY! In an effort to make the game look better they did LOD models that texture pop constantly. AND THE FUCKING COVENANT TALKS? Did they think we wouldn’t notice? One game it uses nice unintelligible alien speak, then they hire Spawn to voice act? WTF? Were they trying to insult our intelligence? It’s as if they said, “Oh fuck Halo1 was a success, we have to make another one? Damn I guess we need to figure out a plot or something.”

And if you still wanted to play Halo2 after you beat it, you are not a true gamer. That is the second worst video game ending of all time. The worst ending owned by Soul Reaver: Legacy of Kain. That ending was so horrendous I don’t know anyone that wanted to play another one after beating the first. So again I have to ask myself, why does anyone care about Halo? Because, Microsoft says you should. My girlfriend knew Halo’s release date and the only game she plays is Hello Kitty Island Adventure. The only truly remarkable thing about Halo is the marketing campaign. That’s all I got to say. I know you guys think I’m an idiot and I’m totally wrong, and I didn’t even mention the vehicles and blah blah blah. Well, if you want to complain about how stupid I am, click the comment link below. Oh and if you bought the Legendary version of Halo3 you’re a loser.

Tags: Halo, microsoft, video game, xbox